MMO Industry Predictions for 2008

Apparently Grimwell tagged Sandra to do industry predictions for 2008. But she said she was just going to turn around and immediately tag me to do more, so instead we sat down to write a list together. Here are our predictions for the MMO industry in 2008:

  • Hasbro launches their secret stealth project: the new Care Bears MMO. Sadly, it is quickly overrun with Real-Money Trading (RMT), which points out a serious imbalance in the dueling system. After a disastrous first six months, the remnants of the game are bought up by SOE.
  • After seeing the WoW commercial starring William Shatner, Turbine hires Leonard Nemoy to promote LOTRO. His touching rendition of “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” is a huge success and LOTRO’s population finally grows enough to open their first new US world.
  • Warhammer Online launches, but only 300 people manage to purchase boxes; everybody else is unable to distinguish it from World of Warcraft and buys the wrong game. After Warhammer fails it is bought by SOE, who muddies up the graphics, lowers the quest quality, and reopens the game as “EverQuest 3.”
  • During beta, Age of Conan discovers that players aren’t quite shocked and disgusted enough by the rampant rape of female characters. In a desperate bid for the all-important adolescent crowd, Funcom adds first incest, then necrophilia, and finally bestiality to the game. This brings down the wrath of PETA, who firebomb their offices. The few survivors are quickly hired by SOE.
  • Bioware finally announces their big secret, the one that industry insiders have known for years and players have been whispering about for months: Bioware has no MMO engine, has no idea how to make an MMO engine, and can’t buy one since there aren’t any working MMO engines for sale. Instead of trudging along making a doomed MMO, they make KOTOR 3 for the XBox 360, and everybody’s happy.
  • Blizzard continues to ignore everyone everywhere and do whatever they please. They continue to have record-breaking sales and subscription numbers, and they are not bought up by SOE.

All in fun, guys! You know we love ya. :)

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6 Responses to MMO Industry Predictions for 2008

  1. Grimwell says:

    w00t!

    Well done. ;)

  2. Azaroth says:

    “Funcom adds first incest, then necrophilia, and finally bestiality to the game.”

    Oh I’m there.

  3. Elliot says:

    “Funcom adds first incest, then necrophilia, and finally bestiality to the game.”

    That was some of the best stuff in Fallout 2!

  4. Yew says:

    Crap! Now I’ve got that blasted song (and corresponding hideous video) in my head. It took me two years to purge it last time. Grrr! ;)

  5. Denour says:

    How did we not see this coming?